February 21, 2013, today was supposed to be Max's due date.  I have somewhat been dreading this day.  Today, I should be welcoming my boy into this world.  I should be holding him, rocking him,  singing to him, and answering Ryann's 20 questions that would have come with everything.  Instead my arms are empty, my heart is broken, and my 20 questions are "Why?"  I will never understand why my son was called Home early, the tears will never just stop, and my heart will never be whole, but I do know that I must Carry On, and the only way I can is through Him.

 

  I have been truly blessed to be surrounded by people that love me.  I am ever so grateful for my parents, my brother, sister, and my in.laws, the love and understanding that has come from them at this time has helped in so many ways.  I am so grateful for my husband, Anthony has been so strong, caring, and patient with me.  There has been countless times where he has just sat there with me, letting the tears fall, letting me go off on how all this sucks,  letting me freely discuss how I feel, and then taking my hand and telling me that one day it will be okay, I will be able to be with Max again.  I Love you Anthony.

 

I am truly grateful for the gospel.  I can't even imaging going through this with out it.  I decided to spend today at the temple, and with Max at his grave.  I have always enjoyed going to the Temple, but after Max, it has given me so much more.  The promises that we are given, and the closeness that I feel while I am sitting there is,  well, Beautiful.  I love sitting with Max at his grave, I can't wait until it warms up, but I still enjoy  it.  It honestly comforts me, and well, I don't have a lot to hang on to, and I love going there and talking to him.  I think Anthony thinks I am a bit nuts for doing it, but I tell him it doesn't bother me and I don't think there is a soul there that is going to mind.

 

Families are Forever, and I promise Max, I will be there on that Beautiful Day.  Love You!