No Training Wheels

Ryann has been practicing on riding her bike without wheels.  One day she asked if we could practice and I said sure go get ready, and this is what she came out wearing.  It must have been what she needed to give her that confidence, because this little girl is a pro at riding without training wheels.  Now the only problem is she is too tall for the bike, I wonder what she will be getting for her Birthday!

Memorial Day

Memorial Day.  The nerves, and the heartache started building up for this day weeks before.  As I was coming up with ideas, I couldn't believe I was having to do this.  One thing that I do to keep Max apart of this family and apart of me is to decorate his grave, and it has brought me a lot of peace, however Memorial Day brought nothing but tears and heartache.   I let Ryann decorate a wreath, she got to pick out the flowers, and she told me where to put them, and I thought it turned out perfect.  I invited the grandparents and Aunts and Uncles, and cousins that were around to come and set off balloons.  I asked Ryann if she thinks Max will catch them, and she said "Yes, and he will save them for when we can play."  I love you Ryann, you have a beautiful spirit, and I love you, Max.

PreKindergarten Graduation

This past year Ryann attended PreKindergarten (Daycare).  She LOVED it!!! She loved being able to play with kids, and she absolutely adores her teachers Ms.Becky and Ms. Victoria.  The only thing she did not appreciate was the 2 hour nap that she had to take after lunch, to her it was a good day when she didn't have to nap and got to go to the quiet table, however; there were several days that she fell asleep.  I can't believe that she will be going to Kindergarten this year, I remember holding her in my arms, worrying about her going to school, and thinking I have 5 years until I have to worry about that...where did the 5 years go.  My baby girl is growing up.

Summer Baseball

Ryann played T-Ball aka Coach Pitch baseball durning May.  She had a little bit more excitement at the games then she is expressing in this photo.  She had several hits, and learned the different areas in the field, and was very grateful when it was her last game.  Yes, she expressed how happy she was she didn't have to play anymore at her last game.

Vegas

VEGAS with these 2 Girls!!!

We visited the Las Vegas Temple

Viewed some pretty things, as well as some "famous" people.

Consumed some supper yummy food at a Diner Drive in and Dive.

Kara introduced Maradee and I to Van Heusen.  Bless Her!!!

The Big Ice Fishing Trip 2013

Anthony, for some reason, LOVES ice fishing.  I promise him on one of his many trips that I will attend.  This year I also invited other family members to join us.  We only had 1 tent and 1 heater, and well I claimed those, I did share, and the others had to sit outside and freeze.  However, despite the coldness, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.  Lowell claims he skunked us all, he caught the first, the biggest, and the most. 

 

Good Fishing, Good Times, Good Memories!

Valentines 2013

I know Ryann is 4, but it still seems that each holiday we have is like a first for her.  This year because Ry is in daycare, she got to provide a Valentines for all of her little friends.  I thought I had picked a Valentine that she would be able to help with, and enjoy doing.  Well, it lasted 15 minuets, it started with her being super excited, and ended with her being mad at me because I wouldn't let her make any more alien dog suckers with 5 eyes.  Hate to sound like a party pooper, but I didn't buy enough suckers or stickers for her creations.  She also got to attend a Valentines Tea Party at daycare, and she was pumped about going, except for the fact that they had to drink apple juice at the tea party.  That is my girl.  She enjoyed getting Valentines through out the day, and to top it off she went on a date with her Aunt Tana. 

Max's Valentine

February 21, 2013, today was supposed to be Max's due date.  I have somewhat been dreading this day.  Today, I should be welcoming my boy into this world.  I should be holding him, rocking him,  singing to him, and answering Ryann's 20 questions that would have come with everything.  Instead my arms are empty, my heart is broken, and my 20 questions are "Why?"  I will never understand why my son was called Home early, the tears will never just stop, and my heart will never be whole, but I do know that I must Carry On, and the only way I can is through Him.

 

  I have been truly blessed to be surrounded by people that love me.  I am ever so grateful for my parents, my brother, sister, and my in.laws, the love and understanding that has come from them at this time has helped in so many ways.  I am so grateful for my husband, Anthony has been so strong, caring, and patient with me.  There has been countless times where he has just sat there with me, letting the tears fall, letting me go off on how all this sucks,  letting me freely discuss how I feel, and then taking my hand and telling me that one day it will be okay, I will be able to be with Max again.  I Love you Anthony.

 

I am truly grateful for the gospel.  I can't even imaging going through this with out it.  I decided to spend today at the temple, and with Max at his grave.  I have always enjoyed going to the Temple, but after Max, it has given me so much more.  The promises that we are given, and the closeness that I feel while I am sitting there is,  well, Beautiful.  I love sitting with Max at his grave, I can't wait until it warms up, but I still enjoy  it.  It honestly comforts me, and well, I don't have a lot to hang on to, and I love going there and talking to him.  I think Anthony thinks I am a bit nuts for doing it, but I tell him it doesn't bother me and I don't think there is a soul there that is going to mind.

 

Families are Forever, and I promise Max, I will be there on that Beautiful Day.  Love You!   



New Years Hike

We decided to go for a small New Years Day hike, so we went up to the Dixie Rock and well hiked around.  Ryann enjoys being outdoors, posing, and looking stylish.

 

Christmas 2012

This year we decided to spend Christmas in Aurora. Ryann was super excited about it being Christmas and was even more excited that it had snowed, lots.   Ryann woke up one morning after it had snowed and sweet talked her Papa into going outside to play aka eat snow while Papa builds a snowman, they both enjoyed it.

We also went above town and went sledding.  Ryann loved being pulled in the sleigh, as long as Mom wasn't riding with her, we seemed to take on the snow with the heavy weight.  Ryann asked if I went sledding when I was little, and I said I did but we went down hills in trash bags, its true, she just laughed.

Ryann had an elf that visited her off and on through out the Christmas season, and so on Christmas Eve, Jasmine aka the elf, left her a Christmas card (Ryann loves getting cards), and some cozy PJ's for being such a good girl.  Christmas day brought lots and lots of presents for a very sweet spoiled girl.  At the end of the day, Ryann asked when Christmas was coming again.  I told her she would have to wait another year, but we could carry the Spirit of Christmas with us all year long, she just smiled and said okay, and then quickly added a list of things she wanted for the next Christmas, silly girl. 

Max Lowell 

Anthony and I decided to add on to the family.  In June 2012 we found out we were pregnant, and at 15 weeks, learned that we would be having a boy.  We were excited and even Ryann was okay with the baby being a boy and not a girl.  At about 19 weeks we learned that our son's hands were tied up in the cord and that his hands would not be developed normal, they would be imperfect.  Anthony and I accepted this, and we were ready to take our son's hands into ours and face the world, face whatever challenges would come his way.  I was so ready to be a mom to such a special little guy.  I was ready.   However; God had a different plan, and on Nov. 6, Max returned to live with our Father in Heaven. It was Max's Perfect hands that took ours and has helped us through this, as well as blessing us in so many ways.  As I was sitting in the hospital trying to get a lifetime worth of holding my sweet boy, my heart breaking, a feeling of peace was with me.  I have always believed Families Are Forever, but that day those words became so much more, as did many more things that I have known to be true.  I love this picture, and this is how I picture my son, as he is patiently waiting for me.  

One day while I was looking for stories of other Angel Mom's I came across an organization called Teeny Tears.  It was started by an Angel Mom, and has blossomed over the past few years.  Teeny Tears is perfect in so many ways, and has been a perfect way for me to keep Max's Love Alive.  These little diapers were sewn by me, I know Megan and a sewing machine, and donated to DRMC, which already has a beautiful bereavement program, just adding to it.   There are 2 diapers for each set, a set will go to a future Angel Mom, 1 diaper will be for the beautiful Angel Baby, and the other will be for the mom, something special to hang on to.  I have enjoyed sewing these diapers, on days where the tears just come, or when I find myself on my knees begging to wake up, these diapers in a small way helped me.  I will continue the sewing, I "adopted" DRMC, and must keep them stocked.  I LOVE IT!!! I LOVE YOU, MAX.